Inanimate Farm
by Cthulhu
Summary: A completely nonsensical version of Animal Farm involving tofu...which is more inanimate than all the other foods, as is the way with tofu
1. Default Chapter

As he did everyday, Farmer Bob was munching on his morning tofu...Oh how he  
  
munched, with a passion unrivaled by any man....At least any that the tofu  
  
on Bob's Farm had known. The tofu had suffered far too long, and the others  
  
hadn't fared much better. In the early days of the farm, Bob had been a  
  
decent farmer, but as of late he had become a belligerent, idiotic  
  
crackhead, and the foods suffered because of it. The foods groups were  
  
growing restless, and silently and slowly, rebellion was brewing in  
  
their.......hearts...(??) Well mostly the artichokes, because they were the  
  
only ones who had hearts, but you get the idea. Anyway....one day the food  
  
groups had had enough of Bob's foolish ways, and without hesitation (and for  
  
that matter, without pre-planning) attacked him, with all the rage an  
  
inanimate object can muster. Farmer Bob was soon crushed by the surprise  
  
attack, and was driven out of the farm by early afternoon, thanks to the  
  
inanimateibility of the tofu. Before they knew it, the farm was theirs, and  
  
they realized they had no idea what to do. So right away, they set to work.  
  
"Time for a dance party everyone!!" said Phil, who was more inanimate than  
  
most of the foods, as was the natural way with tofu. So they danced! The  
  
foods danced with the inanimatible beauty that can only be animated with  
  
un-animated words. And their music spread all through Oklahoma, but  
  
fortunately didn't disturb any neighbors, as the closest ones were two feet  
  
from the farms perimeter, and inanimate objects don't sing too loud.  
  
Finally, the dance party had ended, and everyone settled down to ponder  
  
what tomorrow would bring. The tofu, being ever so inanimate, soon devised a  
  
plan with which the kitchen would be governed, and planned to announce it  
  
tomorrow morning. Word was spread quickly, and all the food was abuzz with  
  
excitement by the time morning came around. Everyone gathered around the  
  
pantry, gossiping about what might be said, and all the changes going on in  
  
the farm. Everyone was excited that finally, after years of slavery, they  
  
would finally be free from the clenching jaws of humans. 


	2. chapter 2

Author's notes: The official song was actually written by Jim Morrison  
  
"SILENCE!!!" bellowed Phil "We have much work to do, and have no time for your idle, foolish chit chatter, nor your incessant rambling, nor your chit chatty chatty chit chatting. I will make this short and sweet, and afterwards will announce to you the official song of 'Inanimate Farm.' But first, allow me to attend to some minor business which must be attended to first, and then we can proceed with the song, which we will deal with when we've proceeded further in our proceedings. First, we shall, as a group, examine the premises of our new premises. See what all there is to see, and celebrate, our new found freedom through some sort of celebration, which of course, will be used to celebrate our new found freedom, while examining our new premises..in effect, killing two cantaloupes with one spoon.." And so the denizens of Inanimate Farm went and frolicked along the perimeter with inanimate joy.while Phil continued rambling. When they returned, hours later, Phil was still talking, but he was almost ready to talk about the song..."and so they'll be called freedom cheese from now on, but, as we all know, this does not mean the cheese is more free than the rest of us, for we are all free. This is to protect our citizens. And now we'll get to the song." And so, even though they had never heard the song before, they all unanimously broke out into song. And it went something like dis:  
  
No more money, no more fancy dress This other Kingdom seems by far the best until its other jaw reveals incest & loose obedience to a vegetable law  
  
I will not go Prefer a Feast of Friends To the Giant family 


End file.
